Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Mendeleev's Periodic Table Expanded

All about the path-breaking (completely imaginary) new wonder element that has created a flutter in scientific circles... read on...

******************************************************

The buzz in the Nerdy circles is that Dmitri Mendeleev's Periodic Table is likely to be expanded, with the addition of a new element.

The element, soon to be added under Group 18 (noble gas), has been coded MS ( for want of consistency, the second letter, as per convention will be in small caps, going forward). It is now understood that scientists have been observing the behaviour of this rare element since the Financial crisis in India in 1991.

Key Characteristics of Ms:

First things first. Ms has been included under "Noble Gas" category. The reasons are manifold. Ms has been accorded "noble" ( read: clean) status by the media over the last 8 years. Also,  Ms has been closely linked with economists, and the incidental gaseous nature of it straightaway makes it's way to the Noble Gas group 18.

But what really seals it's place is the fact that like many of it's peers in the group it is an INERT GAS. It is amply clear now that Ms does not bond with any other element or compound, whatever the pressure or temperature may be. The equanimity of Ms has confounded the Scientific community, who now suspect that, in fact, there may be no internal bonds either. In other words, Ms redefines the word Inert.

Invention:

Ms was invented in 2004, by a Congress of scientists who specialize in dealing with inert elements. At that time, the congress was looking for a possible new element that can absorb any amount of pressure or heat without reacting physically or chemically ( or emotionally, for that matter). The congress of scientists wanted a new element which can be quickly branded into the Noble category, and can remain inert for a long time, and invented Ms in the process. Ms has truly vindicated their expectations by remaining inert for 8 long years thus far.

Properties:

  1. Tasteless, odourless, colourless.
  2. Is fully resistant to heat and pressure of any magnitude.
  3. Highly protective of foreign elements.
  4. Continues to be "noble" in spite of things all around it falling apart.
  5. Zero emotional quotient


Other keys observations:

  1. It realizes that high energy levels are not good, and therefore has successfully moved the economy back to "Hindu rate of growth", ie, from close to 9% growth to 5% in 3 years flat. This singular achievement of Ms has been lauded in a recent convention of the scientists in New Delhi to commemorate the completion of 8 years at the helm. It is now surmised that the scientists may be working overtime to reduce it further to zero percent over the remaining two years.
  2. Ms never gets associated with any element, under any circumstance - even where it is desperately required to. After all, it wants to retain it's "noble" status forever.
  3. Whenever there is an attack on the system ( nation), Ms gives the customary " we will not keep quiet" statement- and then goes back to it's noble status until the next unfortunate event.


Uses:

The uses of Ms has been established beyond doubt. There are unfounded rumours of moving Ms to a new system in Raisina Hill.

The public are encouraged to suggest new uses and applications of this wonder element, Ms.




आँखों को कहने दो

दरिया-ए-जज़बात  दिल में और थोड़ा बहने दो  मुंह जो बात कह ना सके, आँखों को कहने दो।  अब उसको घर की किराय पूरा बच जायेगी  मेरी आँखों में समा गयी...