Saturday, November 19, 2016

An appeal to fellow Indians

I am appalled at the negativity that is doing the rounds - in the social media, the mainstream media, the polity, and yes, even in the judiciary.

A few educated souls are complaining about the long queues outside the banks and ATMs. About how they really care of human life, and how people have died because of this " draconian demonetization" move. A few "more" educated people have promptly pronounced this as a stupid move, while giving no solutions on better ways to handle the menace of countefeiting, terrorism and conversion funding,  and of course, black money.

This polemic of "long queues" , is empty space. Nothing more. These are painful times, for the common man. Make no mistake about it. Unfortunate, unavoidable. But collateral damage caused by years of condoning and, I dare say, abetting black money and corruption.

Almost all of us, including yours truly,  are guilty. Guilty of either looking the other way, when dishonest things were happening to us or around us. Or, sometimes even hide behind the excuse " but I am helpless, as an individual, to stop it, so I am going with it". Put your hand on your heart, and say openly that not once in your life have you come across a situation where bribery and black money have impacted your transactions, directly or indirectly, or whenever they did, you DID something about, other than meekly voicing your protest.

Let us admit it. People were, willy nilly, party to black money, corruption, and in some rare cases, involving directly or indirectly, in activities that may have harmed the nation in some way. You, me, and everyone who stands in those long queues today, and bemoans the " ordeals" of today's long queues.

Our conscience did not prick us then. But our legs hurt now, do they?

If we managed to duck our inner calling then, it is only fair that we put up with this pain now, however hard it may feel.

Time for us to make amends, folks. This government has decisively moved against the malaises affecting the economy. Until we get any indication to the contrary, we need to stand by the government's efforts to weed out these ills, however hard they may be. Think of today's pains as the Karma of condoning improper activities, now coming back to haunt us. Bear with it. Until the pain subsides.

And subside, it will. In the meantime, rather than resorting to empty rhetorics like " I knew this would fail", " look at the misery of the common man", " I declare this as a stupid move", " I declare this as a solemn failure", or throw empty statistics that carry no real meaning, you can do the following, if you have the wherewithal.

1. Volunteer work in the bank queues, to help people. To fill in forms. I inform people who are groping for information. To help bank staff in mundane work, wherever the management allows. I know some of my friends are already doing that.

2. Avoid hoarding of cash, more than what ie really necessary. The govt has clarified that there is no cash crunch or any run on the banks.

3. Stop spreading negative messages and jokes that are supposedly inteneded to lighten things up, but end up spreading negativity, and sow seeds of doubt, in the mind of the unsuspecting common man.

4. Progressively go plastic. And help others do that too, by sharing your views, and suggestions , on the benefits. To your vegetable vendor, your watchman, your driver... or whoever you think may need it.

If you think you cannot do any of that and maybe more, then the best you can do, is to stop whining. You did not dare to do anything about the wrongdoings going around you, then. You preferred to keep shut. Please continue with it now, as well. Let the government do it's job of cleansing.


Monday, November 14, 2016

My brand of Patriotism

Full throat, at the cricket stadium
Cheering my team India for a win
I wave the Tricolour in full fervour
Want India to triumph, through or thin.

Full throat, I shout at the Bank employee
Demanding that I get serviced instantly
I curse the government, in full fury
Can't status quo be restored, I ask insolently.

All pumped up, I stand in scorching sun
Waiting patiently for my turn at the box office
For Kabali, anything goes, anything can wait
Trudge in the serpentine queue, too, is sheer gait.

All charged up, I stand in the scorching sun
Waiting impatiently for my turn at the ATM
In TV, my show is starting now, nothing can wait
To hell with demonetization, get this straight.

Atop the Al Burj and Empire State Building
The tricolour beams in all glory, on Independence Day
My forty inches chest expands in no time, to fifty six
My patriotism hunger just got an instant fix.

The hapless bank employee toils away tirelessly
For him, the working day meanders endlessly
The man behind all this ordeal, has a chest of fifty six
Patriotism be damned, can no one make him a nix?



nix= a quantity of no importance





Friday, November 11, 2016

RaGa at an ATM


I join the serpentine queue
In Parliament House, for true
The lone ATM beckoned me there
Photo-opp was on offer, fair and square.

Two hours of artificial smile, and"clean Delhi Air"
Flashing cameras, waving hands, here and there
The day seemed way too long, to end
I need a Thai massage full, to make amend

As I guffawed in frustration, the end was nigh
I neared the ATM, with a deep relieving sigh
Inserted my card, keyed in my PIN
Hoping to end the day, with a win

But, pronto! Out came my ATM card
Suddenly something seemed seriously flawed
On the ATM , flashed a message, impromptu
"That PIN was your Swiss Bank Account, Buddhu!"





Sunday, November 6, 2016

Delhi and Pollution


The Delhi Government, for once, has taken action on war-footing, to tackle the pollution threat, which now appears bigger than the dangers to Kejri's position from the Lt Governor.

In their press release, the Govt has listed 8 amazingly effective tools to tackle pollution. In their hurry to run and execute these actions on the ground, they may have forgotten to give the complete picture. I thought I should help them by adding these (imaginary) supplements to each action.


1. All Delhi schools will remain shut for the next 3 days.

       - It may be noted that children not going to the schools, but playing in the open for these three, will put them at lesser risk of pollution-related illnesses, as advised by the eminent research scholars of the JNU. It will also improve the children's body resistance automatically, so that they don't have to go through the Modi-imposed World Yoga Day next year.



2. For the next 5 days, no construction and demolition work will take place in Delhi.
      - The Government hereby decides that their policy of " no constructive work" , over the last one and half years, shall be extended to " no construction work". However, as for demolition work, it may be noted that terrorist groups shall be exempt, and can their regular demolition jobs with the same vigour as always, aided by the local media and liberals.


3. All diesel generator sets have been banned for the next 10 days, except at hospitals and in emergencies.

      - No gensets. And the Delhi Government is unable to provide uninterrupted power either, as always, because " Evil Modi" is the root cause. So, people should stop working ( in all forms), and instead consider breathing itself as work. This is the Delhi Government's way of "breathing life" into the Delhi economy, as advised by the eminent economist Dr. Amartya Sen. Dust up your dadi's wick lamps.


4. The Delhi government will supply power to unauthorized colonies which use diesel generators.

       - In that process, the Government shall ensure that authorized colonies will not get their quota of power. Tough luck, Lutyens' Delhi! The slums of Pahargunj and Sangam Vihar need it more.


5. The Badarpur power plant will be shut down for 10 days. There will be no fly ash transportation from the power plant.

       - All the fly ash will, instead be used to build a huge wall around the power plant and no one can see it anymore, so that later on, if someone says " the power plant is the culprit", the government can conveniently ask " where is the power plant? We don't see it. We get our power from our friendly neighbour Pakistan, since evil Modi has declined to provide power " .  " But we can see smoke billowing" ..  " well, have you not heard of there being no smoke without fire? This smoke is caused by fire, but not a power plant".


6. The Environment department will launch an app to monitor the burning of leaves.

       - The App will not cover the Jessica-Lal type burning of human bodies in restaurant chulas. 
   


7. Vacuum cleaning of roads will start from November 10.

       - Latest update is that the Government has decided to retain status quo, when ti comes to cleaning of roads. In other words, there will not be any cleaning, anyway.


8. Water sprinkling will start on all roads from tomorrow.
      - We will import the water from China, since evil neighbours Haryana and UP have declined to allow water to us. If that is not feasible, we will use the filthy water from the biggest gutter that is running across the city, called the Yamuna, to do the job. It does not matter if people die of asphyxiation from stench of the Yamuna. The pollution is more important than the stench and the epidemics.

P.S.:  

Once this emergency passes, the Delhi Government will resort to Business as usual. Which is :

1. Do nothing about anything.

2. Flood Twitter with messages of how the Lt. Governor. 
3. Step 1 above

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/Air-pollution-Delhi-shuts-schools-bans-construction-work/articleshow/55273297.cms

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Jokes on AG's quitting Times Now



  1. Let us sit down, and make two minutes of noise of the highest decibel levels, as a mark of respect for AG. That is the best respect we can show him.
  2. Now that AG has quit Time Now, A K Hangal can openly say it again, as he had done in "Sholay",  " Inta sannataa kyun hai bhai? "
  3. Why did AG quit?  "The nation demands to know".
  4. Don't keep jamming the TV remote, not knowing whether the TV is on mute or not. It is just that AG has moved on.
  5. Clearly, the management of Times Now told him " Go, Swami!"


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