For almost the past two and half decades, the nation has lived and breathed SachinTendulkar. I salute the yeoman service Sachin has done for the game over the years. He is going strong at 39, and “looks set for a few more years of cricket”, as per media reports. Wow! That will surely will make for some sort of immortal record, to the ever-growing list of his records.
On this New Year Day, I took the above media comment a lttle too seriously and conjured up the following news that may well hit the e-stands in the year 2040. I let my imagination run wild, and the results are here:
THE SACHIN JANUARY 1, 2040
INDIA’S NATIONAL e-NEWSPAPER
Editor-in-chief, Assistant Editor, reporter, driver, and any other profession associated with publishing a newspaper - by Dilip S
HOME:
Sachin refuses to retire from Cricket: Mumbai Dec 31
Batting Maestro Sachin Tendulkar has categorically said that there is no question of his retiring from the game. Speaking at a news conference in Mumbai, flanked by his grandchildren, Sachin candidly said “ I took tips from Mr. Gavaskar on perfecting playing the new ball in hitherto untested conditions in Antarctica, just yesterday, in preparation for our forthcoming tour there. Mr. Gavaskar told me to watch for the occasional lump of snow which may come in faster than the cricket ball and may give some chin music. Mr. Gavaskar feels that this may be faster than what Brett Lee used to dish out 35 years ago. The BCCI under the able chairperson Supriya Sule has decided to send us 2 weeks in advance to the Antractic, to get acclimatized with the penguins, seals and the polar bears, and of course, the snow ball. This will help us prepare well for the tough tour ahead”.
However, The Sachin understands that the real reason for Tendulkar refusing to hang up his boots and walking stick may well be the refusal of the BCCI to actually extend pension to retired players. The recent board meeting decision to ratify the decision to extend pension to only players in the playing 11, a decision taken way back in 2011, has ruffled many feathers of players, both past and present. Given that Sachin has so many feathers ( in his cap), one can imagine the impact on him.
Arjun Tendulkar announces retirement from all forms of cricket: Mumbai Dec 31
Ace left handed batsman Arjun Tendulkar today announced his retirement from all forms of the game. Arjun, one may recollect, had promised to his mother that he will make his father’s statement “I am family man”, something that has stood for Sachin’s off-field priorities, also come true on the field. He thus worked his way up the cricketing echelons to become India’s premier opening batsman, giving his father company from the other end of the 22 yards. “It is indeed a previlege to have played alongside my father. I think he still has a few years of cricket left in him”, Arjun quipped. Arjun, it transpires, has strongly urged the BCCI to implement the much awaited pension scheme for retired players.
“He bats just like me” says Don 2: Adelaide, Dec 31
Bollywood icon Shahrukh Khan, whose 2011 runaway hit Don 2 earned him the sobriquet, today likened Sachin’s longevity and endurance to his own. “He still has the same childish exuberance as he had 50 years ago, like I still do in my movies”.
Don 2 , who is currently in Adelaide for shooting for the sequel to Don , to be titled, “Don 10” had visited the grave of the original Don – Don Bradman, to pay respects. Readers may be aware that Don 2, who had settled in Bangalore sometime ago in a sprawling villa right next to the ITC cigarette factory, has also announced yesterday to the media that he has purchased the Bangalore franchise of the IPL – The Indian Puffers League. He expects a strong demand for this league, which also merchandises branded cigarette puffs as a service, aptly named PaaS – Puff As A Service. This, many industry experts believe, is a step in the right direction – moving away from reliance on products to services, focusing on (puff) Cloud Computing. This move is expected to prompt many Bollywood yesteryear lady-leads like like Sushmita Sen, Kim Sharma, Kareena Kapoor, Kruthika Desai, Rani Mukherjee to relocate to Bangalore soon.
100th Ton Eludes Tendulkar: New Delhi, Dec 31
The First Test between Team India and the Penguins, expected to start on Jan 2 at the Ross Ice Shelf is has kindled the hopes of a nation of 3 billion yet again. Yes, playing in this 998th International match, the Maestro SachinTendulkar is expected to score his much awaited 100th international hundred. “Will he, won’t he?” appears to be the million Yuan question on everyone’s lips. The Penguins’ captain Pablo said in an interview that he is a great fan of Sachin, as well, but he would prefer to sit in the couch and cheer Sachin when he visits Australia for the 27th time, right after this tour, rather than him getting a frosty 100th hundred here.
Anna Hazare demands “Bharat Navaratna” for Sachin: New Delhi Dec 31
Team Anna today began an indefinite fast, for the 238th time, in Ramlila Maidan, New Delhi. In support of Team India, and more specifically, Sachin Tendulkar. Team Anna , it may be recalled, had arranged for flash dances across various cities to garner support for their demand of a “Bharat Navaratna” title to Sachin. Human Resources minister Mr. Kapil Sibal had to hastily have a Parliamentary Joint Committee convened to draft a proposed amendment to the Constitution that will enable creation of the new title, after his attempts to explain that the Govt had been working for the past 42 years to come up with one had failed. Anna has threatened a “Jail Bharo” movement if an amendment is not passed by the midnight of Dec 31. Some intellectuals have criticized this extreme move,“ It cannot be a case of my way or highway”. Meanwhile, Dig-your-own-grave Singh charged that the Navaratna demand is a conspiracy by the Jewellery merchants’ lobby in collusion with the Opposition. “We have a photo proof of a leader from the Opposition buying a piece of a Ratna for his ring, from one of the Jewellery shops, way back in 2011”, he thundered. In a related development, some of the regional parties are demanding that members of the under-privileged sections of the society be given the award first before giving it to Sachin. Says Aalloo Pershad, “can’t you find a person from these under-encouraged sections of the society before the ensuing assembly elections and confer it on him first, before others get it? When will the country ever get social justice?”
FEATURE
Carry on Ziona Chana
Sachin Tendulkar, as we know, has inspired an entire 3 generations by now, to perform. In keeping with the current global trend of “Look East”, we decided find out how Sachin has inspired people in the eastern part of India. We heard about Ziona Chana, whose family has created a city in Mizoram called Baktwang. Readers may not be aware that Baktwang was a small village in the early part of the century, until Ziona decided to expand- his family, that is. Mr. Ziona is now blessed with 11378 wives, and about 37500 grand-children. They have carved a whole city in this hilly state for themselves, and are living in perfect harmony. There is an in-house maternity hospital, first of it’s kind in the world, an in-house school, college, and a shopping complex. Mr Ziona himself is now an MLA representing his house, which was declared a constituency recently by the Election Commission.
We recently caught up with him and asked him what inspired him on this feat. A beaming Mr. Ziona conceded that two people inspired him. Firstly, of course, is Sachin, who has demonstrated the power of endurance, and the will power to carry on. The other person is none other than Amitabh Bachan. We got a little curious and asked him how. Mr. Ziona , it transpires, has been watching the KBC show ever since it was launched about half a century ago, and Amitabh, that angry young man, continues to dazzle in the show till date in it’s KBC Version 29. When we quizzed him more on how exactly did this inspire him, the response was rather shocking. Mr. Ziona said ” just look at the title of the program”. We then realized the magnitude of the situation. Mr. Ziona has apparently taken “Kaun Banega Crore Pathi” quite literally, and taking cues from Sachin, as decided to carry on!!!
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Disclaimer : This article is purely imaginary and is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings or sentiments. Resemblance to people's names, place or other factors is purely coincidental and is categorically NOT directed on any individual or thing. My apologies in case it has happened inadvertently.
