THE SACHIN - INDIA'S (imaginary) NATIONAL NEWSPAPER
39 years young and still going strong.
Mumbai : March 25, 2012
At a news conference held in Mumbai today Sachin Tendulkar today dropped a bombshell by categorically stating that he will not retire from International cricket until the UPA2 actually starts governing the country. This comes close on the heels of a statement today by MP Mani Shankar Iyer that the growth of India is next only to that of China, over the last 5 years. It is a well known fact that various sections of the cricketing fraternity, the media and the public have been speculating on the possible retirement of Sachin. Some sections have even been making veiled suggestions on the timing of it. Sachin had been ducking all such suggestions like the many bouncers that he has effectively evaded all his career ( see sample clip)
Sachin recently crossed two personal milestones of a century of centuries, and a century of ducking bouncers like the clip above, both in the same match against World champions Bangladesh. He has, of late, been as innovative in finding reasons not to retire as some of his shots in the field. Realizing that there are no milestones to go after anymore, Sachin had been looking for a truly impossible event to benchmark his retirement announcement against.
As a consequence, he has come up today with this rather challenging milestone that many believe is unlikely.
Reactions from all walks of life have been swift.
Pakistani Cricket hero Imran Khan today said that Inzamam-ul-Haq is better than Sachin anyday and that not even he could make the Pakistani governments work effectively, and that therefore Sachin is doomed to fail in his efforts.
Ravi Shastri appealed to Primer Minister Singh not to deprive TVchannels of business, by giving even a remote chance for Sachin to actually retire through even a semblance of governance. The Prime minister in return assured the nation that no such mishap will ever occur, and that the UPA2 will grow from strength to strength in it's endeavour to set new records in non-governance. The eminent economist that he is, the PM also revealed that the good work of the UPA2 will give rise to a new economic phenomenon called " INACTIVITY-BASED COSTING" that will serve as a role model for future governments across the world.
Shahrukh Khan today told his good friend Kunder " I need a RAW ONE today man".... in an obvious mood to celebrate the announcement of Sachin.
Meanwhile, DIG-YOUR-OWN GRAVE Vijay Singh was happy with Sachin's announcement. Paying obeisance to the Gandhi family, Singh said "Sachin's announcement today gives Rahulji at least another decade to learn from his poll trounces, and hopefully prepare to rule India". Singh complimented Madam Sony-a ji for her vision in persuading Sachin to stay on by assuring him that her mere presence will make sure that the UPA2 does not even attempt to commit that grave mistake called governance.
Meanwhile the aspiring MPs were upset with this announcement. They lamented that Sachin's actions could result in total lack of governance by the Congress and that is reason enough for them to be voted back to power. Many of these BJP members are sitting MLAs, and were fondly hoping to change their venue of watching porn from the Assembly to the Parliament, and are now deeply upset that this is unlikely in the near future.
The Samajwadi party was quick with a new demand that the minorities be allotted at least 50% of the centuries that Sachin scores from now on. When politely reminded that that is not possible, since all centuries that Sachin scroes will only go against his name, they blamed Mayawati for this mess.
Meanwhile, in a shocking and open threat, Anna Hazare has threatened to go on an indefinite hunger-strike in Shivaji Park, Mumbai in protest against Ramakant Achrekar for coaching Sachin - an event that has now enabled the UPA2 hold on to power. When reminded politely that Annasahib was actually getting confused between the cause and the effect, a member of Team Anna, Kiran Bedi, who flew into Mumbai in Economy Class by Kingfisher Airlines, thundered " who cares? We need the Lokpal in the form and shape that we want; if that does not happen, we will not be afraid of unleashing many more Sachins on this government".
39 years young and still going strong.
Mumbai : March 25, 2012
At a news conference held in Mumbai today Sachin Tendulkar today dropped a bombshell by categorically stating that he will not retire from International cricket until the UPA2 actually starts governing the country. This comes close on the heels of a statement today by MP Mani Shankar Iyer that the growth of India is next only to that of China, over the last 5 years. It is a well known fact that various sections of the cricketing fraternity, the media and the public have been speculating on the possible retirement of Sachin. Some sections have even been making veiled suggestions on the timing of it. Sachin had been ducking all such suggestions like the many bouncers that he has effectively evaded all his career ( see sample clip)
Sachin recently crossed two personal milestones of a century of centuries, and a century of ducking bouncers like the clip above, both in the same match against World champions Bangladesh. He has, of late, been as innovative in finding reasons not to retire as some of his shots in the field. Realizing that there are no milestones to go after anymore, Sachin had been looking for a truly impossible event to benchmark his retirement announcement against.
As a consequence, he has come up today with this rather challenging milestone that many believe is unlikely.
Reactions from all walks of life have been swift.
Pakistani Cricket hero Imran Khan today said that Inzamam-ul-Haq is better than Sachin anyday and that not even he could make the Pakistani governments work effectively, and that therefore Sachin is doomed to fail in his efforts.
Ravi Shastri appealed to Primer Minister Singh not to deprive TVchannels of business, by giving even a remote chance for Sachin to actually retire through even a semblance of governance. The Prime minister in return assured the nation that no such mishap will ever occur, and that the UPA2 will grow from strength to strength in it's endeavour to set new records in non-governance. The eminent economist that he is, the PM also revealed that the good work of the UPA2 will give rise to a new economic phenomenon called " INACTIVITY-BASED COSTING" that will serve as a role model for future governments across the world.
Shahrukh Khan today told his good friend Kunder " I need a RAW ONE today man".... in an obvious mood to celebrate the announcement of Sachin.
Meanwhile, DIG-YOUR-OWN GRAVE Vijay Singh was happy with Sachin's announcement. Paying obeisance to the Gandhi family, Singh said "Sachin's announcement today gives Rahulji at least another decade to learn from his poll trounces, and hopefully prepare to rule India". Singh complimented Madam Sony-a ji for her vision in persuading Sachin to stay on by assuring him that her mere presence will make sure that the UPA2 does not even attempt to commit that grave mistake called governance.
Meanwhile the aspiring MPs were upset with this announcement. They lamented that Sachin's actions could result in total lack of governance by the Congress and that is reason enough for them to be voted back to power. Many of these BJP members are sitting MLAs, and were fondly hoping to change their venue of watching porn from the Assembly to the Parliament, and are now deeply upset that this is unlikely in the near future.
The Samajwadi party was quick with a new demand that the minorities be allotted at least 50% of the centuries that Sachin scores from now on. When politely reminded that that is not possible, since all centuries that Sachin scroes will only go against his name, they blamed Mayawati for this mess.
Meanwhile, in a shocking and open threat, Anna Hazare has threatened to go on an indefinite hunger-strike in Shivaji Park, Mumbai in protest against Ramakant Achrekar for coaching Sachin - an event that has now enabled the UPA2 hold on to power. When reminded politely that Annasahib was actually getting confused between the cause and the effect, a member of Team Anna, Kiran Bedi, who flew into Mumbai in Economy Class by Kingfisher Airlines, thundered " who cares? We need the Lokpal in the form and shape that we want; if that does not happen, we will not be afraid of unleashing many more Sachins on this government".
