The Delhi Government, for once, has taken action on war-footing, to tackle the pollution threat, which now appears bigger than the dangers to Kejri's position from the Lt Governor.
In their press release, the Govt has listed 8 amazingly effective tools to tackle pollution. In their hurry to run and execute these actions on the ground, they may have forgotten to give the complete picture. I thought I should help them by adding these (imaginary) supplements to each action.
1. All Delhi schools will remain shut for the next 3 days.
- It may be noted that children not going to the schools, but playing in the open for these three, will put them at lesser risk of pollution-related illnesses, as advised by the eminent research scholars of the JNU. It will also improve the children's body resistance automatically, so that they don't have to go through the Modi-imposed World Yoga Day next year.
2. For the next 5 days, no construction and demolition work will take place in Delhi.
- The Government hereby decides that their policy of " no constructive work" , over the last one and half years, shall be extended to " no construction work". However, as for demolition work, it may be noted that terrorist groups shall be exempt, and can their regular demolition jobs with the same vigour as always, aided by the local media and liberals.
3. All diesel generator sets have been banned for the next 10 days, except at hospitals and in emergencies.
- No gensets. And the Delhi Government is unable to provide uninterrupted power either, as always, because " Evil Modi" is the root cause. So, people should stop working ( in all forms), and instead consider breathing itself as work. This is the Delhi Government's way of "breathing life" into the Delhi economy, as advised by the eminent economist Dr. Amartya Sen. Dust up your dadi's wick lamps.
4. The Delhi government will supply power to unauthorized colonies which use diesel generators.
- In that process, the Government shall ensure that authorized colonies will not get their quota of power. Tough luck, Lutyens' Delhi! The slums of Pahargunj and Sangam Vihar need it more.
5. The Badarpur power plant will be shut down for 10 days. There will be no fly ash transportation from the power plant.
- All the fly ash will, instead be used to build a huge wall around the power plant and no one can see it anymore, so that later on, if someone says " the power plant is the culprit", the government can conveniently ask " where is the power plant? We don't see it. We get our power from our friendly neighbour Pakistan, since evil Modi has declined to provide power " . " But we can see smoke billowing" .. " well, have you not heard of there being no smoke without fire? This smoke is caused by fire, but not a power plant".
6. The Environment department will launch an app to monitor the burning of leaves.
- The App will not cover the Jessica-Lal type burning of human bodies in restaurant chulas.
7. Vacuum cleaning of roads will start from November 10.
- Latest update is that the Government has decided to retain status quo, when ti comes to cleaning of roads. In other words, there will not be any cleaning, anyway.
8. Water sprinkling will start on all roads from tomorrow.
- We will import the water from China, since evil neighbours Haryana and UP have declined to allow water to us. If that is not feasible, we will use the filthy water from the biggest gutter that is running across the city, called the Yamuna, to do the job. It does not matter if people die of asphyxiation from stench of the Yamuna. The pollution is more important than the stench and the epidemics.
P.S.:
Once this emergency passes, the Delhi Government will resort to Business as usual. Which is :
1. Do nothing about anything.
2. Flood Twitter with messages of how the Lt. Governor.
3. Step 1 above
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/Air-pollution-Delhi-shuts-schools-bans-construction-work/articleshow/55273297.cms
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