Parents hold an irreplaceable position in any child's life - through birth, development and maturity. More often than not, parents view themselves as almost solely responsible for whatever happens to the child - good or bad. At least in the Asian context. ( I spoken to my friends and colleagues from Japan in North Asia to Indonesia in the South, and the similar sentiments are invariably echoed everywhere. I also hear similar comments from some western parents, though sporadic),
As parents, we tend to splurge in joy, when things go well with the progeny. As the great Tamil poet Thiruvalluvar had said,
ஈன்றபொழுதின்பெரிதுவக்கும்தன்மகனைச்
சான்றோன்எனக்கேட்டதாய்.
The mother who hears her son called "a wise man" will rejoice more than she did at his birth.
When things do not well, we are the first to feel anguished, sometimes even guilty.
This is where I think we will do well to remember the real meaning of the Tamil word for "parents" - பெற்றோர் ( Petror, for those who cant read Tamil).
The literal meaning for this word is - as expected- parents. Wikipedia further explains that பெற்றோர் bear the responsibility of bringing up the child.
The deeper philosophical meaning - hidden - is the more interesting one, in my opinion. to me, this word literally means that parents are those who RECEIVE the responsibility of bearing the foetus, bring the baby into this world, and bringing him/ her up. (பெறுதல் in Tamil means "to receive").
We are only care takers, not the owners, of that soul called the child. Hence there is no real need for us to either feel overly elated , or overly let down. Equanimity is the secret to peaceful living.
As the great poet Kannadasan sung:
இறைவன் இரண்டு பொம்மைகள் செய்தான்
தான் விளையாட.
அவை இரண்டும் சேர்ந்தொரு பொம்மையைச் செய்தன
தாம் விளையாட.
Roughly translated, the above would read " God made two dolls to play with, and those two dolls made yet another doll for them to play with".
The child is, but a toy, in the hands of the parents. They are not the sole owners of it. They did not create the progeny. it exited in all time - then, now and in the future. The Atman knows no destruction. it is only the body that transforms.
The most telling quote is from the Kathopanishad ( Valli 2 stanza 11) .z
हन्ता चेन्मन्यते हन्तुँ हतश्चेन्मन्यते हतम्।
उभौ तौ न विजानीतो नायँ हन्ति न हन्यते॥
If the slayer thinks "I slay", and if the slain thinks "I am slain" then both of them do not know well. This slays not, nor is This slain.
Clearly, in this materialistic world, we are prepared to take the bouquets and brick-bats accruing to our progeny, in the name of responsibility.
If we develop this true spirit of Receivership, with minimal attachment to the child ("let go" spirit) then life would be much simpler... easier said than done, isn't ?
As parents, we tend to splurge in joy, when things go well with the progeny. As the great Tamil poet Thiruvalluvar had said,
ஈன்றபொழுதின்பெரிதுவக்கும்தன்மகனைச்
சான்றோன்எனக்கேட்டதாய்.
The mother who hears her son called "a wise man" will rejoice more than she did at his birth.
When things do not well, we are the first to feel anguished, sometimes even guilty.
This is where I think we will do well to remember the real meaning of the Tamil word for "parents" - பெற்றோர் ( Petror, for those who cant read Tamil).
The literal meaning for this word is - as expected- parents. Wikipedia further explains that பெற்றோர் bear the responsibility of bringing up the child.
The deeper philosophical meaning - hidden - is the more interesting one, in my opinion. to me, this word literally means that parents are those who RECEIVE the responsibility of bearing the foetus, bring the baby into this world, and bringing him/ her up. (பெறுதல் in Tamil means "to receive").
We are only care takers, not the owners, of that soul called the child. Hence there is no real need for us to either feel overly elated , or overly let down. Equanimity is the secret to peaceful living.
As the great poet Kannadasan sung:
இறைவன் இரண்டு பொம்மைகள் செய்தான்
தான் விளையாட.
அவை இரண்டும் சேர்ந்தொரு பொம்மையைச் செய்தன
தாம் விளையாட.
Roughly translated, the above would read " God made two dolls to play with, and those two dolls made yet another doll for them to play with".
The child is, but a toy, in the hands of the parents. They are not the sole owners of it. They did not create the progeny. it exited in all time - then, now and in the future. The Atman knows no destruction. it is only the body that transforms.
The most telling quote is from the Kathopanishad ( Valli 2 stanza 11) .z
हन्ता चेन्मन्यते हन्तुँ हतश्चेन्मन्यते हतम्।
उभौ तौ न विजानीतो नायँ हन्ति न हन्यते॥
If the slayer thinks "I slay", and if the slain thinks "I am slain" then both of them do not know well. This slays not, nor is This slain.
Clearly, in this materialistic world, we are prepared to take the bouquets and brick-bats accruing to our progeny, in the name of responsibility.
If we develop this true spirit of Receivership, with minimal attachment to the child ("let go" spirit) then life would be much simpler... easier said than done, isn't ?
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